The Powerful Benefits of Forgiveness
There is a very old saying that says, “Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.” This is a warning to people to not act out in anger or resentment because you only end up harming yourself. Over time, these feelings of resentment can build until the individual develops feelings of depression or anxiety.
While forgiving others who have hurt us isn’t always easy, in the end, it greatly benefits our mental health and overall well-being. To be clear, forgiving others does NOT mean you agree with or condor their poor behavior. And it doesn’t mean you are announcing that your feelings don’t matter. Forgiveness simply means letting go of the negative feelings that are holding you down and causing you prolonged distress. For some people, individual therapy can provide a supportive space to process hurt, anger, grief, or resentment without pressure to forgive before they're ready.
Forgiving someone who has hurt you isn't always easy, and forgiveness can look different for everyone. For some people, letting go of resentment can bring a greater sense of peace and emotional freedom. Here are some steps you can take to forgive others:
Process Your Pain
Have you really faced your pain and processed it? You’ll need to do this before you can let those feelings go. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings deeply and fully. Cry, yell, hit your pillow, do whatever it takes.
Forgive Yourself
Difficult experiences can sometimes leave us questioning our own choices or replaying what we could have done differently. Rather than blaming yourself, try approaching your experience with compassion. You can reflect on what you've learned and how you want to move forward without taking responsibility for another person's harmful behavior. While we can easily point to others and blame them for the breakup or ugly incident, the truth is, we were there also. We played some role. Even if it was to retaliate in the moment and to show our own ugliness. It’s time to forgive your own humanity and any wrongdoing to yourself or others.
Try to Understand
True forgiveness is impossible without a sense of understanding. You can try to forgive, claim you have forgiven, only to have those negative nagging feelings crop up again and again. Sometimes understanding the experiences or circumstances that may have influenced another person's behavior can help us process what happened. Understanding doesn't mean excusing harmful behavior or minimizing its impact. It simply offers another perspective that may help you decide what moving forward looks like for you.
A critical parent acts the way they act because they, too, were the victim of a critical parent. An overbearing boss is dealing with a personal tragedy at home. Our cheating spouse is self-sabotaging his or her life because they have incredibly low self-esteem and do not feel they deserve happiness. Life is complicated and human beings are even more so. Try and understand why someone has hurt you. You will be amazed at what this magical A-ha moment can do for you.
If you're struggling with hurt, resentment, or the emotional impact of a difficult relationship or experience, you don't have to work through it alone. Contact Mood and Motion Therapy to learn more about our therapy and counseling services or schedule a consultation.
SOURCES:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/complicated-love/202006/the-healing-power-forgiveness
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/the-power-of-forgiveness
https://www.verywellmind.com/the-benefits-of-forgiveness-3144954
